


I'm Not The Only One

by Oreon7



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Slice of Life, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 07:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29274327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oreon7/pseuds/Oreon7
Summary: He sat on the ledge, legs swinging easily in the open air. The tall bottle sits next to him, his hand resting loosely on its neck. He tilts his head back, taking a deep swig from the bottle and then drops his head back to the view below him. The city lights flicker and blur in his unfocused vision. His eyes are on the sight below him, but his thoughts are far, far away. They call upon memory and memory, playing through them all with the clearest definition.~~~Friday evening: go on a date with me? I may or may not have a two-person pass to that tour I told you about ;)~~~Are you free?We’re still on for tonight right? ;)Why do you always ignore me during the day :(Can’t wait to see you in my bed tonight...~~~“Where will you spend your night, since you’re not spending it with me?”~~~“You’re crazy Seonghwa. Let me know when you’ve calmed down,”~~~Inspired by "I'm Not The Only One" by Sam Smith.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Kudos: 11





	I'm Not The Only One

He sat on the ledge, legs swinging easily in the open air. The tall bottle sits next to him, his hand resting loosely on its neck. He tilts his head back, taking a deep swig from the bottle and then drops his head back to the view below him. The city lights flicker and blur in his unfocused vision. His eyes are on the sight below him, but his thoughts are far, far away. They call upon memory and memory, playing through them all with the clearest definition. 

_ He flinches, startled away from his painting by the voice next to him. “That looks really good.” He looks behind him to find a short boy with smiling eyes and silver hair standing behind him. “Thanks,” he says softly, caught off-guard.  _

_ “Do you mind if I join you?” It takes a while for the words to process, but when they finally do, he gives a small nod and turns back to his art.  _

There’s a sound like a door slamming shut and it breaks Seonghwa from his reverie. The side of his mouth quirks up as he takes another swig. 

_ The tension in the room is high. “Come on now, why are you being so unreasonable?” the now blond-haired boy huffs. “I came here in the early morning to spend the day with you, and this is the way you respond?” Seonghwa glares at him, fighting down the tears rising in his chest.  _

_ “You’re right, you spend a lot of your days with me,” he says, the hurt clear in his voice. Hongjoong scowls. _

_ “So what’s your problem?” Seonghwa opens his mouth to speak, closes it to hold in the tide of tears, and strides out the door. It slams shut. _

The dark smirk is still strong on his face as he ponders,  _ was that one memory, or two, or 50? _ He drains the rest of the bottle, letting the burn travel down his throat. He stares idly at the useless bottle in his hand. He contemplates for a moment before throwing it off the ledge. The green glimmer of the bottle fades into the darkness of the night. He can’t hear it crash to the ground- he’s too far up for that- but he can imagine the sound it makes.

_ Hongjoong has left him on read for two weeks. Two weeks. Seonghwa pushes it to the back of his mind as best he can. He needs to focus. He has essays and internships to take care of. Hongjoong probably does too. They’re both busy students. It’s reasonable. His phone buzzes. _

_ Hey Hwa, sorry I was busy _

_ Let’s hang out tonight _

_ I’ll bring drinks _

_ Okay :) _

_ Seonghwa stares down at his phone for a long time. He responded and apologized! His mind tells him. Seonghwa focuses on that, ignoring the emptiness in his stomach. _

_ Hongjoong makes true on his promise of bringing drinks, setting the bottles on Seonghwa’s counter and making his way into Seonghwa’s space easily. Seonghwa is happy to see him again, although he’s still upset over Hongjoong’s minimal apology and explanation. They’ve been in the room together all of five minutes before Hongjoong’s phone is buzzing. He takes it out of his pocket to look at the text message with a blank expression on his face. And then he’s gone. An insufficient explanation, a short goodbye, a quick swig of the alcohol on the counter, and he’s leaving Seonghwa alone again. No apology. _

_ In his anger and frustration, Seonghwa sweeps both bottles off the counter and lets them crash to the floor. It doesn’t help him feel any better, and he spends the rest of his night cleaning the mess up and disinfecting his cuts.  _

Seonghwa sighs, his expression souring. He wraps his arms around himself as a chilly breeze blows and rubs his hands against the leather of the jacket he’s wearing. It’s rough and smooth at the same time, reassuring and familiar under his hands. 

_ Seonghwa is on his way to class when a familiar head of silver bounds its way into his vision and Hongjoong is standing in front of him, holding his arms out and proudly preventing him from going any farther. Seonghwa quirks an eyebrow at him, holding back his amused smile. “Yes?” he asks. Hongjoong smiles at him brightly. “Guess what?? I won a tour of the exclusive part of the museum downtown!” Seonghwa’s jaw drops open. _

_ “Wait.. actually?” Hongjoong nods energetically. “That’s- that’s amazing Hongjoong! You’ve been wanting to go there for so long!” Hongjoong giggled. _

_ “I know, I’m so happy!” He shuffles closer to Seonghwa, poking his cheek gently with his finger. “You’re so cute, getting so excited for my sake.” Seonghwa jerks his head back, rolling his eyes.  _

_ “Oh be quiet-”  _

_ “I know you’ve been wanting to go for a while too,” he says, looking at Seonghwa apologetically. Seonghwa worries his lip with his teeth. Although it’s true, his happiness for Hongjoong is genuine.  _

_ “It’s okay, Hongjoong, you can just tell me all about it when you get back,” he says, giving him a soft smile. Hongjoong hums thoughtfully, fidgeting with Seonghwa’s sleeve. Seonghwa takes him in as silence passes between them, his eyes tracing over the curve of Hongjoong’s brow, his eyes, and his soft, pink lips. Suddenly, a rough piece of paper is being shoved into his hand and Hongjoong is looking up at him innocently.  _

_ “See you on Friday, hyung~” he giggles, pecking his cheek before running away. “Don’t be late to class!” Seonghwa stares after him in confusion as his cheeks tint pink. He looks at the paper in his hand, reading the messy scrawl slanting over it.  _

_ Friday evening: go on a date with me? I may or may not have a two-person pass to that tour I told you about ;) _

_ If butterflies explode in Seonghwa’s stomach and his face remains warm for the rest of the day, well, it can’t be helped.  _ _  
  
_

_ The exclusive exhibit is everything Seonghwa has ever dreamed of and more. Seeing Hongjoong here, in awe amongst the various artworks, Seonghwa feels like the most blessed person alive. The paintings bring a new life to Hongjoong and Hongjoong brings a new life to the paintings and Seonghwa feels like he’s being sucked into the most beautiful world he’s ever seen. He’s so enraptured that he doesn’t even notice he’s shivering from the AC he’s standing in front of. But Hongjoong does, and within seconds, he’s slipping his own jacket off his shoulders and wrapping it around Seonghwa’s, smiling gently as he does so. Seonghwa’s lips turn up in response, and he feels like his entire being is vibrating with happiness as he pulls the leather jacket closer around him, his fingertips brushing over the rough-smooth texture of the material.  _

Seonghwa lips turn down as he continues to rub the material of the jacket between his fingers.  _ Screw you, Hongjoong. Why do you make it so hard to let go? I know everything, but I still can’t make myself hate you. I can’t even make myself stop loving you.  _ He sighs, taking deep breaths, trying to find peace within himself again. All it does is hone his focus on his heart, raw and pounding. He grips the ledge harshly with his hands, knuckles turning white and arms shaking with the force. Silent tears stream down his face and he grits his teeth. 

_ Hongjoong’s phone buzzes for the upteenth time from next to him. Seonghwa frowns at it, grabbing it to power it off so he can finally just focus on the midterm essay he’s writing.  _

_ Are you free? _

_ We’re still on for tonight right? ;) _

_ Why do you always ignore me during the day :( _

_ Can’t wait to see you in my bed tonight... _

Seonghwa clenches his jaw even harder, wanting to ignore the memory, wanting to justify it somehow. 

_ “Seriously Seonghwa! What is wrong with you? Whenever I try to spend time with you, you acts like a wounded dog! If you want me to leave than just say so. I can’t take this emotional bullshit from you any longer.” _

_ “So where will you go?” Seonghwa asks, ice over his voice.  _

_ “What?” _

_ “Where will you spend your night, since you’re not spending it with me?” _

_ “What the hell Seonghwa? Are you my mom?” _

_ “No, I’m your boyfriend!” Seonghwa shouts. His voice cracks on the word “boyfriend” and Hongjoong just stares at him silently.  _

_ “You’re crazy Seonghwa. Let me know when you’ve calmed down,” Hongjoong says, turning away from him. “See you later,” he tosses apathetically over his shoulder.  _

Did that really only happen earlier today? Seonghwa scowls, swiping at his tears with his sleeve.  _ You still didn’t tell me where you’re spending the night.  _ He thinks to himself bitterly.  _ While I’m stuck here, are you out there having fun?  _ He glares at the dark abyss in front of him.  _ I’ve loved you for so many years. Maybe I’m just not enough.  _ Seonghwa wishes he had another bottle that he could throw down into the night. He imagines it spinning through the air, a blinding green like the envy choking his heart, and smashing the head of whichever boy was lucky enough to share a bed with Hongjoong tonight. He swallows against the dryness in his throat and holds back the helplessness inside of him. 

_ You say I’m crazy because you don’t think I know what you’ve done.  _

_ But when you call me “baby”, I know I’m not the only one.  _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "I'm Not The Only One" by Sam Smith.


End file.
